Feeling Broken

It’s been awhile since I posted, and so much has happened in that time. I passed state boards, and began my first job as a registered nurse at a local hospital. I was hired part time, but I didn’t realize that my 12 week long orientation would be full time. Now, I feel as if my body is falling it apart from the demands I’ve placed on it.

I hurt. All over. All the time. When I was in nursing school, I would have bad flares, but usually I was able to get through the day, both a class day and a clinical day, with a little Alleve and I’d recover in a day or two, at most three. Now, I can’t shake the pain. I wake up in pain, I go to sleep in pain, and while I make it through my work day with NSAIDs and adrenaline, I haven’t been able to recover, because before I know it, I have another 12 hour shift upon me.

And so the pain has slowly been building. I’ve been drawing on my reserves to get through orientation and now I have a debt to pay back. And I’m not sure how or when I will be able to pay that back. I need a plan, and I don’t even have that.

All I do have is a date. I get off orientation this Sunday, October 8, and then I finally move to part time, which is two 12 hour overnight (7pm-7am) shifts a week. I’m hoping that I can slowly repay the energy and pain debt I’ve accumulated, maybe with the help of more regular Epsom salt baths. But ultimately, I may need to make an appointment with my LLMD to see what she recommends to manage the pain more completely.

In the meantime, I’m open to ideas.

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