I’m tired. I’m tired of the never ending pain. I’m tired of living in this cycle of function and dysfunction. I’m tired of letting people down. I’m tired of letting myself down. I’m tired of trying to stay positive. I’m tired of having to ignore the pain until it screams so loudly, and in my face, that it won’t be ignored any longer. If this kind of suffering was upon any other animal, we’d euthanize it so it’d be out its misery.
Two weeks. That’s all I get. I used to be happy with that. I used to be thankful for every two weeks that I got before I’d be beaten down for 4-5 days with pain and fatigue. It’s not enough anymore. I don’t want this cycle anymore. It’s a cycle of expectations and goals, and then crashes and burnouts and flare ups.
I’m angry. I’m depressed. I hurt. I want to sleep.