Knocked the Wind Right Outta Me

So I was perusing through tumblr and the following post, from freewillandphysics: “I’ve accepted that I’ll never be healthy again, but I would really like to be less sick.”

It struck a little too close to home for me today. I felt deflated when I read that. Usually, I manage to get through my day with a reasonable amount of positivity, always holding on to the hope that one day, I will regain my former life. A life where I used to hike, and run, and dance, and travel and ride horses and ice skate, and, and, and….

I don’t think that day is coming. I think I need to take the time and properly grieve for that life, because so far I’ve just been in denial about what essentially amounts to my new normal. And it’s ok to be angry with that. It’s ok to grieve. So today is that day. Today both my daughter and my husband will be at work, and I can take all the Kleenex I need and mourn the loss of that life, and that person who used to be. And I’ll scream and stomp my feet, or at least throw as big a tantrum I can considering how much I hurt.

It’s been a long time coming…