A Father’s Lament For His Daughter…. “She Didn’t Look Sick”

So. Much. THIS

My Color Is Lyme

This is a touching first person perspective as a father starts to understand his daughter’s suffering and how his ignorance had added to her pain



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My “think positive” is broken…


Today hasn’t been such a good day. My body is beginning to take on the familiar ache from before my treatment began and I just don’t know what to do anymore. The constant questions… I’m tired of trying to play detective. Is it the new meds? Is it the change in diet? Is it because of a change in the weather pattern? My hormones? Do I take pain meds knowing there will be a rebound effect when I stop? Do I take a nasal decongestant knowing I will have a similar rebound effect? Why do I feel so feverish but I’m not actually running a fever? Why do I have such a chill? And again I ask myself, is it the new meds? The change in diet? The change in weather? My hormones?

Round and round I go, trying to fix whatever is broken. I try to make one change at a time, to limit the variables (once a science geek always a science geek). First we added the new nasal meds and took away the red meat, and I began eating chicken as my primary protein source for 10 or so days. During which I noticed an increase in joint and muscle pain, fatigue, feverishness, stuffy sinuses and brain fog… So I stopped the chicken too, and I began to eliminate animal products altogether except for eggs.

I even eliminated my coffee. Primarily because I can’t drink it without cream, and I wanted to get rid of dairy completely. For those people who know me, dropping coffee is huge. I switched to chai tea, which I can enjoy with coconut cream if I feel like something creamy.

That doesn’t leave a whole lot for me to eat these days. Apples and almond butter is my usual lunch, clementine oranges, salads, my paleo banana nut muffins, quinoa, and all types of veggies. At this point, I wake up afraid to put anything in my mouth. My mother commented that with all the dietary restrictions, I should be dropping a huge amount of weight. The fact that I haven’t, which means that something is really “off” with me systemically, wasn’t lost on her.

I’m tired. I want to cry. I want to wallow in my pain and crawl under the covers and ignore the world for a while. I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to be positive. In fact, I’d stomp around and throw a tantrum if I had the energy and my hips didn’t hurt so much.


Back to the couch… wishing I could just go to bed….

Worse than Before, but Why?

My last doctor visit was November 10, with Dr J, who changed up my treatment a bit. In addition to all the Lyme meds she is keeping me on, I’ve had the “pleasant” addition of nasal meds administered via a nasal atomizer. I have one med in the morning, and one in the evening, and it’s decidedly the most unsexy thing I have ever come across. I go so far as to lock my bathroom door just so my husband doesn’t walk in to witness these events. Granted, lots of our personal hygiene habits aren’t very high on the “sexy” list, but this just takes the cake.

And what’s worse? I don’t feel any better.

Then she also suggested I stay away from mammal meat, be it beef, pork, lamb, venison, or even goat, and stick to only chicken or fish, because she suspects that I may have an allergy to meat. So no more burgers, no more bacon, no more curried goat and no more middle eastern kofta.

And guess what. I don’t feel any better. In fact I feel worse.

My sinuses, which were only mildly congested when I saw her, are now a constant drippy, sneezy, gotta-mouth-breathe-which-sucks-when-you-sleep kind of mess. I’ve started to depend on antihistamines, but they make me a hung-over, moody bitch the next day. More importantly, however,  is figuring out the source of the new sinus trouble. Is it the addition of the nasal meds, designed to treat a potential mold infection dep within my nasal cavities? Or is it that I’m suddenly consuming FAR more chicken than I ever did since I’ve gone paleo?

So what do I do?

I’m thinking that I need to finish the course of medication per Dr J’s orders. I also think I have to change up my diet again. Part of me would like to go back to eating red meat products and see if the symptoms continue or even lessen, but the more sensible part of me thinks I may have to eliminate all animal products completely and reintroduce them one at a time, slowly, after giving my body a chance to detox from all meat products.

So what’s the problem?

I have exactly ONE book dedicated to vegan paleo eating, and not a whole lot looks very appetizing, or practical. In addition, they include legumes and tofu, and I always thought that legumes and soy products are strictly prohibited along with grains when following paleo.

*big sigh*

I know what I have to do. I just dread doing it.