The curse of the over achiever…

I hate days like today. Days where I feel so sick I can barely manage to get off the couch just to graze so I can take my meds and maybe visit the bathroom. Days like this, there it’s not until 4 in the afternoon I get into the shower, and then linger, letting the hot water run over my face in rivulets, over my shoulders and down my body, all the while I’m wishing that my pain and fatigue will pool at my feet with the running water and go with it down the drain.

I’m never that lucky.

As most other Lyme patients, I have a very persnickety digestive system. I feel like I’m running at my best (which isn’t what “my best” was almost 5 years ago) when I follow a Paleo diet. Gluten, I know for certain, is an arch enemy, and at the very least I need to be gluten free. Apparently, watermelon is a no-no, too. Yesterday, somehow, I ingested both gluten (accidently) and watermelon (on purpose) and I’ve been paying the price all day today.

My day started off by me sleeping in until 9am, even after being in bed by 11ish last night. I felt drunk and hung over, and eventually the belly cramps started. My tummy is squawking at me as I write this, but if I can at least get this done, I’ll consider it a small achievement.

But there was so much more that had to be done today.

There’s that Ethics paper that I need to write.

And that Developmental Psych project that is almost finished and calling my name.

Plus the homework that just needs to get done to keep up with classes.

And oh! What about my family and household responsibilities? I was supposed to go grocery shopping today. It didn’t happen. I managed to get the sheets cleaned, though, so that will be comforting when I slip between the covers tonight.

I know I’m complaining, but I really do appreciate he blessings I do have, like a husband and a teenage daughter that pitch in when I have days like these. My daughter did some light housecleaning for me, and kept the sink empty from dishes, and hubby brought home dinner for everyone. (Having a husband who owns his own restaurant comes in handy.) I just hate when entire days get wasted. It usually means that I eventually have to play catch up when I’m feeling a little better, and then I have to be careful not to overdo it, otherwise I just find myself over extended and back on the couch.

I’ve always been a bit of an “over achiever.” I rarely do anything in moderation, and I used to be a hopeless perfectionist. Age mellowed me out a bit, but when I have days like this, where I’m fighting just to stay coherent and awake, and I feel like I’ve let myself and my family down. There’s nothing worse that the over achiever that feels like she has achieved nothing.

 

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