What a difference a day makes.
And a good night’s rest.
And an LLMD who is reassuring.
The other night, I couldn’t sleep for crap. I tossed and turned. Got up and watched tv. Poked around the internet. Watched more tv. Laid on the couch in the dark.
I even journaled. But it was way too dark an entry to put here. I was feeling helpless, and quite hopeless as well, and when mixed with a frantic need for sleep, well… the boogeyman finds an easy way terrorize me with my own thoughts.
You see, I had been off my meds (all except my herbals), for over a week, and one of the first things to go is my ability to sleep. And the pain was beginning to creep in, and the fatigue, and I was panicking because I knew my LLMD is trying to get me off my meds, since it’s been more than a year of treatment.
I had an appointment with her that morning, and I was already on the web looking to find someone who would continue my treatment so that I could make it through school. I’ve restarted down this path, and by God I absolutely CAN NOT stop now. Too much time and money has been reinvested, and I won’t stop just because of Lyme disease.
So, despite the poor sleep, I managed to get my butt in the shower and make it to my LLMD appointment that morning. I think she saw the panic in my face, or at least heard the undercurrent in my voice.
After a lengthy discussion, she let me know that she will not abandon my needs during school. She will continue with my current meds, and add an additional one that will be pulsed for 3 days during each of the next 3 months. As long as I’m improving, I’ll see her at the end of those 3 months. She’s convinced that something else is going on, though. Something is *not* being appropriately treated, and it’s keeping me from a complete recovery. So, more blood tests were done, and with any luck, they’ll add the missing pieces to this puzzle.
I felt like the proverbial weight of the world was lifted from my proverbial shoulders when I left the office yesterday. I was still tired, and my joints still ached like the dickens, but my spirit was calmer.