I’ve developed a case of the blahs recently, and it’s entrenched itself pretty deeply. I feel so completely unmotivated. If I’ve managed to get showered and have an evening meal put together, then I’ve done a lot. And I know that part of it is because this month’s medication regimen that leaves me feeling nauseous most of the day interferes with my ability to get crap done. And I know that the other part of it probably has something to do with more and more sugar creeping into my diet, which leads to a vicious cycle of malaise and more sugar, and malaise and more sugar.
I’m in a rut and I don’t know how to pull myself out.
Most of the time, I’m disgustingly positive. I nauseate people around me with my cheery attitude and affirmative outlook, despite my struggles. After all, I’m convinced that a good part of this is mental, and I need every edge I can give myself. But today, and for the last few days, I’ve just wanted to wallow in my own self-pity, and frustration, and grumpiness.
Sooner or later, I’m going to have to suck it up. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to pull myself up, slap a smile back on my face, and reengage with the world around me. I start some classes I’ll need for graduation on May 19, and then the program begins this August in earnest, and I’m going to *really* need to stay focused and positive. I keep thinking of all the patients I’ll be able to help once I’m finished with my education, and how Doc C is counting on me to join the team. And in the meantime, there is my family that needs me, PTA commitments I have to see through, and friends who count on me for support.